Last night I got together with Angela. Yes, I thought about ending the benefits side to our get togethers and I’ve gone back and forth on whether to end it or not. I thought I’d be OK with occasional benefits – after all, it had been 3 weeks since we last hung out. And yet, I found myself feeling not that in the mood with her.
The main issue is physical – she’s, well… fat. Yes, I think there’s no way around it. I’d say she’s about 40-50 pounds overweight.
I love the fact that she’s not self-conscious about her body and she’s not inhibited about her sexual desires. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m just not physically turned on by her.
We went out for some ice cream first (my idea) because I didn’t want her to just come over to my place and have the pressure (on me) of having sex right away. I wanted to spend some time hanging out with her in a non-sexual way and see if the arousal level would build from there.
At the ice cream shop, I saw other women looking at us, or more specifically, at her, and I felt like Miranda from an episode of Sex and the City. In the episode, Miranda goes on a date with this incredibly handsome man and when they’re at the restaurant Miranda thinks that all the women are eyeing this hot guy that she’s with and that she’s not good looking enough for him. Well, I kind of felt the opposite – like everyone there was looking at her and wondering what I was doing with someone so unattractive. I know that doesn’t sound nice but that’s how I felt. I guess I feel I can do a lot better than her – so even though I have available sex I’m not sure it’s worth it.
We had our ice cream and then drove back to my place. I still wasn’t feeling that in the mood but I could tell she was getting more aroused. So here I had a woman that was ready to have sex with me and yet I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with it. I wasn’t making any moves and I felt like she was being the guy by getting closer to me physically and touching me. It’s like I got to experience what it feels like to have a guys come on to women, from the women’s perspective.
When we got to my place, I thought about saying something so that we wouldn’t go through with it, but in the end decided to just do it. She kept giving me hints that she’s interested and I just finally thought “what the hell – maybe it’s worth one final time”. I somehow managed to “perform” and I made sure she really enjoyed herself but inside I was thinking that this would probably be our last time like this together. She left my place this morning after insisting that we have another go at it this morning (man, she’s got a large sexual appetite).
I don’t think she’s aware that I’d like to call it off. I’m just wondering what’s the best way to do it now – whether I should tell her that I met someone else or just not give any explanation. I just don’t want to be brutally honest with her because I think that would be unnecessarily cruel.
10 comments
Comments feed for this article
May 6, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Louisa
It seems a tad silly to have a friends-with-benefits arrangement (which is in general mostly physical, not so?) with someone that you don’t feel physically attracted to at all…
I feel sorry for her, not 100% sure why since you said that she knows it’s nothing more than what it is – but still.
I don’t want to sounds like a prude DatingGuy, and in general I really enjoy reading how you connect with random stragers in funny locations – but reading this particular post made me feel dirty and used…This doesn’t seem right to me, sorry. 😦
May 6, 2007 at 1:45 pm
datingguy
Thanks for letting me know, Louisa. I know this post was more graphic than others. I guess I’m upset with myself for continuing something that I should have ended earlier and I needed a way to express myself.
As you can see, guys can continue being physical with a woman they’re not necessarily attracted to. I want to stop doing this and to realize that I don’t have to settle – even for a friend with benefits.
May 6, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Louisa
No problem – just wanted to let you know.
I hope that you will find someone special worthy of all the research and effort you’ve done in this area…and if not straight away at least I hope that you will keep connecting with women that brighten up your day – not the ones that you sleep with out of some obligation.
I’ll keep reading and keeping my fingers crossed for the ultimate pick up for you. 😉
May 6, 2007 at 5:01 pm
mygalfriday78
Break things off with her immediately. You’re just stringing her along and ultimately, you KNOW that she’s the one who’s going to be hurt in the end.
I think women just tend to get more emotionally invested the more stuff like this happens…almost in spite of themselves, they start to think that maybe the guy who’s occassionally sleeping with them (who’s also a friend) might end up being “the one.” That’s just how some of us are programmed to think.
I wouldn’t avoid her completely, but I’d also start dropping hints now like the fact that you’ve met someone you’re interested in (even if that’s a lie) and if a situation like this crops up again, you can always dig this card out and say, “Well, you know that girl I told you about? I don’t know which direction it’s heading, but I like her too much to do this behind her back and ruin my chances with her.”
May 6, 2007 at 11:13 pm
datingguy
mygalfriday – you’re right. I’m going to break things off with her – I’ve decided. I’m going to say I met someone (which, technically, is true because I’ve been meeting a lot of people lately) and that I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to continue doing this anymore. Yes, she’ll be hurt, but it’s better than continuing what we’re doing.
May 6, 2007 at 11:14 pm
datingguy
Louisa – thanks for the kind wishes and thoughts 🙂 I’m working my way towards the “ultimate pick up”, as you so aptly put it.
May 11, 2007 at 6:41 am
question girl
randomly came across your blog link through someone elses – OF COURSE she has no clue you want to call off the FOB’s… you KEEP CALLING HER!!!
i was in one of these situations – ironicly on the other side of it – that being the “fat girl w/ the skinny guy” – we were “together” 3 years in a “relationship” going nowhere
i knew i needed to end it – but he kept calling…. the sex was great, but (at least for me) ther wasn’t any other fulfillment going on
BUT HE KEPT CALLING and i kept GOING
he finally told me he was moving… and that is when i finally let it end….
May 11, 2007 at 9:47 am
datingguy
question girl – thanks for your thoughts. I think I called her (about once a week) because I thought the FWB could work. But after a month of this I realized that it can’t so I decided it’s better to call it off. I guess I don’t see things like this lasting for a long time – like 3 years for you – wow… way too long for me for FWB.
May 20, 2007 at 5:01 am
Debbie
I knew I should’ve read your blog from your earlier posts to the most recent instead of the other way around since now I feel tardy commenting on this post but I just can’t help it.
I too have a FWB. And I can’t help but laugh while reading this post (and following comments) because my situation is so much more complex. If I had to conform to the situation, I would guess that I’d prolly be the “fat girl” with the gorgeous skinny guy. Granted, I’m not exactly overweight but I still have a complex over not being as skinny as I used to be. Anyway, my situation is that I want to call it off. The sex is not so great, to put it nicely. But he’s gorgeous and it does my pride wonders just to “hook up” with him. And to top things off, he’s a really nice guy and I would love to be “just friends” with him. How ironic would it be to find that he may think the exact things you do while I’m trying to figure out a way to call things off with him. How much more ironic would it be that your “fat girl” feels the same way with you that I feel with my FWB? Go figure.
May 20, 2007 at 8:56 am
datingguy
Debbie – It’s amazing how these situations tend to repeat themselves with people everywhere. I did call it off with my FWB and she was disappointed with it. But who knows if she was thinking of doing the same with me. Honestly, I think she wanted something more serious from the very beginning but was happy to have a FWB because it “had been a while for her”.