I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’ve been going through over the last couple of months.
When I started this whole pick up practice and approaching women challenge I really wanted to get over the anxiety I felt when I would see a woman in public that I wanted to approach. Well, I can now say that that anxiety is mostly gone. I feel pretty comfortable approaching women in most situations.
You would think I would feel great about this and part of me does. But there’s another part of me that’s left saying, “Yeah, so now what?” It’s like the prize I so dearly coveted turned out to be not that great when I got it. Most of the women that I approach are either not interested or I find out after talking to them for a few minutes that I’m not interested in them. There’s also the issue of finding someone with the same background as me and doing that with random strangers doesn’t help the odds.
I was talking to a female friend of mine and I compared all these pickup approaches to gorging myself at buffet – where I try and sample every different dish at the table and end up feeling sick afterwards. She suggested that I, instead, take my time savouring each dish – I like that analogy.
Now I could devote myself to improving my pickup approaches – really connecting with attractive women that I meet in public. I could also practice at different venues (clubs, shopping malls, bars). The truth, though, is that I’m not sure that’s what I want to do. I think the approaching women challenge served a purpose and now it’s time for me to move onto the next stage – meeting high quality women in other ways. My goal, after all, is to meet the right woman to start a serious relationship with. The pickup practice is just a tool to get me there and not an end in itself.
I’m going to continue approaching women and posting my pick up approaches – after all, I have my approaching women challenge to complete. I’m up to 39 approaches already so I’ve got 11 more to go. But I’m going to slow down the frequency of the approaches and focus more on meeting women through other avenues – through friends and social events.
I feel like all the approaching I’ve done in the last couple of months has served a really important purpose – I’ve learned how to be relaxed and banter with women (and people in general) I just meet. Now I can take those skills and apply them to “normal” social situations.
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May 29, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Louisa
Excellent! I was hoping you’d get to this stage sooner or later. I mean, I love reading about how you are gaining confidence and skill in the pick-up department…but I’d like to read about the practical application.
I’m so excited for you! Good luck…
May 29, 2007 at 6:43 pm
datingguy
Wow – thanks a lot, Lousia. You know I wasn’t sure how people would react (not that I’m doing this to please anyone) since I’ve been heavily focusing on pick up practice. The big picture plan, though, is to find the right long term woman and I don’t want to lose sight of that.
May 30, 2007 at 12:41 pm
newhoosier
Datingguy,
How does spending a lot of time approaching women in the same bookstore and park affect your approach? Do you ever see the same women at these places? What’s the feeling in that situation?
I’ve seen you mention that one 7 was a “babe” but that another, basically wasn’t all that impressive. Is it possible that your scale is skewed so that the lowest number you give out is a 5 instead of a 1? I think of 4-6 as being average and it sounds like one 7 may have been an 8, but the other may have been a 4.
Also, I wouldn’t discount the effects of love on a number. It’s like your food analogy (follow me here):
You like chicken (less than beef and pork, more than eggplant and fish), but you hate fast food chicken. On the other hand, you love grandma’s homemade chicken parm.
You like 7’s. You don’t like 7’s who are high maintenace, unintelligent, and lazy. However you love 7’s who are smart, down-to-earth, funny, caring, etc.
Do you follow me? The chicken at Burger King is still chicken but it doesn’t taste nearly as good as the chicken your grandmother makes. The right 5 is always better than the wrong 10. And you might not know what kind of 5 you have until you’ve spent more than 15 minutes with her.
I’ve been reading for a while and I hope my questions/comments can help. You’re like a good friend of mine who has been struggling with the same problems, I thought of him when I first read your blog. I should point him your way.
May 31, 2007 at 1:07 pm
datingguy
newhoosier – wow. Thanks a lot for you thoughts.
I think you bring up a lot of great points. A “7″ isn’t always “great” or “not good enough”. You’re right – it depends on the context. I would be very happy with a “7″ if she had all the other qualities I was looking for in a woman, besides looks. The number scheme was just a very rough rating system on physical appearance, nothing more. There’s way, way, way more to a woman than that, but I can’t deny that it’s part of the whole package. I’m not sure I can be a with “5″ no matter how fantastic her personality is. I’m not sure if my scale was skewed – these are subjective things. The scale is just for initial impressions of physical appearance.
As for seeing the same women, it’s only happened with one woman – I wrote about it already. It was kind of nice – took the pressure off since we already chatted so it was like seeing a familiar face.