I think women appreciate when guys are upfront with them about their intentions. Now, don’t get the wrong idea here. I’m not talking about sleazy guys that are just after one thing and they blatantly say that to each woman they meet. I’m talking about a more mature version of that – the ability to tell women you’re interested in them, that you find them attractive, and that you’d like to go out with them. Here’s an example I used today.

During my work out, I had this thought come into my head – why don’t I ask out Andrea, who I met last week at a business networking event. We interacted quite well, flirted a little bit and I got good vibes from her. I was going to ask her out that night but she decided to not go out with our group after the meeting so I didn’t get my chance. Maybe that’s a lame excuse, but that’s what I was thinking at the time. Anyway…

I call her up as soon as I get back from my work out – no thinking about it or waiting for the right time, but just right then and there – at the first possible opportunity. We had this great conversation! Turns out I caught her just after a lunch meeting and she was available to talk. After a few niceties and re-establishing our connection I just said “Listen, Andrea, I’m calling on a more personal nature (she thought it was business related). I wanted to let you know that I think you’re attractive and intelligent and I want to get to know you better, so I wanted to know if we could get together sometime.” No hiding my attraction for her by asking her out as if we’re just hanging out as friends.

Turns out she’s in a long-term relationship already, but she was genuinely flattered that I asked. In fact she even thanked me for being open and upfront with her and telling her how I felt. We even joked around afterward and I think the next time I see her things will be very comfortable for both of us. I think this was a tension-releasing activity for both sides. I felt like I had expressed myself and can now move on and not wonder “what if” with her. And she probably now doesn’t have to wonder if I like her because I’ve already told her that I do but in a way that’s very low-key and non-needy.

This is opposite to how a lot of guys cross the friend line. What I notice a lot of guys doing is establishing a good platonic relationship/connection with a woman first and then suddenly one day announcing that they like them as more than just a friend. This usually makes the woman feel weird because she hadn’t really thought of the guy in that way before. The guy feels all this tension in making his announcement because he’s been holding back his true feelings all this time, afraid that she might reject him if he makes his intentions known earlier and that if he hangs on and becomes her really close friend, she’s more likely to reciprocate his overture. From my experience, this is a low probability move.

My feeling is, tell the woman fairly soon that you’re attracted to her – in the first meeting or definitely the second meeting. That way, she knows where you stand and there won’t be all this tension as you wonder when to make your big move. Honestly, I feel great about the fact that I just asked her out and it’s not as important that she turned me down.

The new chapter in my life continues…

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