A couple of nights ago I went on a date with Anna, the woman I picked up at the bookstore. We ended up going to a coffee shop in her neighborhood and talked for 4 hours straight! I was actually amazed that when I finally looked at my watch it was midnight. I thought the coffee shop would have closed earlier but she informed me that it stays open, as long as there are people inside.

I was fairly laid back and relaxed the whole night. I wasn’t trying to impress her but more just get to know her and listen to her. I found this worked out really well for me. She’s quite the talker so I’d say the conversation was about 70% her talking. I didn’t mind because I think I’m a good listener but I kind of wondered after a while if she was going to ask me anything about myself. I think some women don’t ask questions to guys because they expect the guy to just start talking about himself spontaneously.

One of the things she reminded me about the night we met, was that after about a minute of starting our conversation, the store clerk directed her to another section of the store for a book she was looking for. She made it a point to come back to where I was after that. Normally, she would have just left the bookstore but there was something compelling her to come back to me and continue our conversation. And this was after only a couple of minutes of us talking. Wow. I didn’t even remember that and it was flattering to hear it.

We flirted a little bit throughout the evening. I told her that she looked good. I think she looked better than when I first met her. She told me that I looked good, too. She made some references of how she’ll have to show me such and such in the future, implying that she wanted to see me again. We had a mini foreign language lesson where I taught her some words in my mother tongue and she would repeat it and we’d laugh together.

When we finally decided to leave, she asked if I want her to pay for the bill, which I thought was a little weird. I mean, usually women ask if they can contribute to the bill, but she asked to pay for the whole thing. I just shrugged it off and said I’d pay for it, which I did. She then walked me to my car. I thought that was different since I thought I’d walk her to her building. But I’m thinking it’s a trust issue, so she doesn’t want me to know where she lives.

At my car, I felt pretty confident going for the kiss – I just figured we had a great evening of non-stop talking and I thought we really connected. I pulled the sides of her jacket into me so she would come up close to my face so I could kiss her. While I was doing that, she said she doesn’t kiss on the first date and I didn’t push it any further. That started another discussion because I wasn’t sure if this was our first or second date, because we did spend a few hours talking to each other the first time we met at the bookstore. She thought about it, too, but decided that tonight was our first date.

She then asked me, “So when are we going to get together again?” In some ways, she was like the guy tonight – she wanted to pay the bill, she walked me to my car, she wanted to set a day for the next date. So we settled on a date for next week. I gave her a warm and big hug good bye and drove home. Oh, and she asked me to call her when I got home to tell her I made it home OK – is this girl falling for me?

Things I Learned

  • Having something to do while I waited for her to show up made me more relaxed. She was just a few minutes late but I didn’t care because I had brought my pen and notepad so I could do some planning while waiting for her. That way, I wouldn’t be sitting around getting all resentful if she was late and I’d be more friendly and open when she would arrive.
  • I set the tone of the date by greeting her warmly and giving her a hug when I first saw her. It had been almost 2 weeks since we met each other and I wanted to show her that I still felt connected to her. I think she was nervous at first and by me reaching out to her and making an effort to make her feel at ease put her in a more relaxed mood at the start of our date.
  • Talking about romantic topics made our connection stronger. After we had talked about some neutral topics, I asked her, “Have you ever been in love before?” I really wanted to know her answer and that would also make the mood of the evening more romantic. That got us talking about many related issues – relationships, love, trust, etc. I wanted to get away from the standard “resume” questions people usually talk about on the first date – Where do you live? Where do you work? After all, we’re all looking for a connection so why not talk about topics that are close to our hearts.